|Uning and Reuning
||[Jul. 15th, 2008|02:01 pm]
I really love my new orleans. I really love the fact that I am sitting here beside my becky, dear dear friend of years ago. I really love the fact that I am friends with my ex...he looks great and I love his girlfriend. i love that i have encountered bethea/butterfly and leo...we all reuned/uned on july 4. i am so grateful and i'm going to put up some pictures very soon. can this grace and beauty last? does it matter?
i now have it tattooed on my wrist: new orleans in tiny tiny letters. words to bring me back home again. home is home is home, regardless of what happens there or anywhere else. i will return to santa fe nm to finish school and then come back here, where the dearest friends of my heart are. dear friends are painful. dear friends are in the dark and know the deepest heart of me. i love sf. i love my job and am dating someone nice....a ventura californian. but the truth is is that home is home. home needs me and i need it.
i need her...my weirdness, my love, my city, my protector! only here do the trees truly come alive/alove/aheart. only here do dreams come true. only here would real love make sense - even if i were single for a thousand years. Only here do the cockroaches climb lovingly in my hair (and freak me out, not meaning to.) Only here do the bugs really bite.
Could I take it for more than a second? Could I live here and handle it, with the ancient trees and the wizards? Could I stay here, where some of the dearest parts of my spiritual family are? Friends and darkest friends! Only here do I accept my insanity and that of others. Only here do I dream something and see it happen for myself and for others. Only here do I plug in and become somebody...the cowgirl vigilante, the tarot reader, the wizardess, the lover of nature. Everything!
here is where I wish to grow up, grow old, and die (if i have to.)
i have grown in other places, but here am i now. i have learned very much on the mountain, but it has cracked, grown weak, and fallen. so i retreat to the bowl at the center of my universe. there's no place like here, not exactly.
home is where the truth of mySelf comes out. i'm waiting to find out what that is, and trying to keep an open mind.